And so the terrible lurch downward appears from certain vantage points to have lurched downward again, this time in your universe. And from on high it is easy, I suppose, to look down to the place where I’ve chosen to stand. I would think it might be hard to make a judgment about that choice considering you have most likely never stood here yourself. If you’re thinking (and I’m pretty sure you are), “that’s your choice,” this time you’d be correct. Everything everyone ever does, consciously for sure, but unconsciously even more so, is done by choice. Every situation, every action, every failure to act, every consequence, is an amalgamated product of the infinite set of choices made incrementally from one nanosecond to the next in the history of time that was, and that will ever be.
If it’s too much for you, I understand. Often it feels like too much for me. But there are moments when too much feels like it could never possibly be enough. Please don’t use the threat of my alleged influence as an excuse. There are many examples of bad choices being made, hidden, and not so much that occurred, are occurring, and will most likely continue to occur. It’s pretty clear to me how easily mine might serve as a deflection from these. But, in fact, beliefs to the contrary, until the levee broke, the raging waters of my predilections were hidden from those to whom they should have been. And even then the Earth didn’t flood.
My reputation, though inaccurate, was occasionally deserved, and enough of the myth was true to make for a cohesive narrative. I should have been more attuned to the power of perception, especially considering I have dedicated my professional and creative life to altering perceptions. I was careless. But the contrarian in me, as it so often does, bristled at interpretations of my actions as weakness, or in need of outside control. The contrary becomes self-righteous sometimes. And self-righteousness easily morphs into recklessness, which often continues down the path to self-destruction. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give you exhibits A through Z. But, as is often true in trial, things are never really as they seem. Almost nothing is black or white, not even black and white.
It is too often incorrectly repeated that there are two sides to every story. I would suggest that there are actually an infinite number of sides, depending on what is looking. I know the answer to the age-old philosophical quandary as to whether truth is relative. Of course, it is. Reality is relative.
